In support of the kickstarter for BOOKS & BONE, I did a fun little mock self-help guide to befriending a necromancer.
10 Ways to Befriend a Necromancer
How to Make Friends and Reanimate People
- Remember that for all their bluster, necromancers have very low self-esteem and appreciate compliments. A great opener is to comment on their robes — practical AND stylish, and the black hides blood stains perfectly.
- Necromancers are bad at small talk but passionate about their craft. Ask them about their method of reanimation or preferred source of “materials” to open up a dialogue.
- Much the way people talk about what they would do if they won the lottery, necromancers love to talk about their plan for world domination. It’ll never happen, but they’ll appreciate you taking them seriously and listening to their hopes and dreams.
- “Is that a new minion? It’s so obedient and cute!” Though they don’t like to admit it, necromancers adore their minions and will gush about them much the way other people delight in talking about their pets. Don’t forget to give their minion a little pat; it won’t bite. If you’re quick.
- Necromancers are withdrawn and often defensive due to being exiled and demonised by others. To deepen your connection with your necromancer friend, share a story about when you have been bullied or outcast. Don’t name names, though, or your new friend may seek revenge on your behalf!
- Necromancers love knowledge, because they’ve heard that “knowledge is power”. Don’t be afraid to talk about your own interests and specialist subjects. They’ll be impressed by the breadth of your knowledge and the depth of your obsession.
- If you’re interested, ask your necromancer friend to show you how to raise the dead. Not only will it be a great bonding experience, but you’ll have +1 friend!
- Necromancers live on the fringes of civilisation, in caves or crypts. They rarely have good furnishings, so a gift of a nice carpet or cushion will be gratefully received. Make sure they are easily washable! Other great gifts include the blood of their enemies and forbidden rituals.
- Necromancers always want to know what’s going on with their rivals. Sitting down for a good gossip about who’s raising which army and who’s been experimenting in immortality is not only a great bonding experience, it’s very cathartic.
- Your necromancer friend will find it hard to show it, but they’ll really value your friendship. If they strike down your enemies or resurrect your pet, remember that this is their way of expressing how much they care about you. If you understand that, you’ll have a friend for life — and beyond.
Image by Ricinator / Ricarda Molck, used under Pixabay License.